Googalaga, Chimichanga, Espinaca, Willy Wonka

This weekend, the Joneses and Jordans conducted an unscientific experiment to determine if the common Indian person really understands what we say. We have found that no one ever tells you that they don't but nothing is ever quite done the way you ask so it makes you wonder. Therefore, we decided to take a word that we are fairly certain does not appear in either the English or Hindi lexicon and see what we could get by just talking gibberish. The first word chosen was "googalaga". This is a made up word that the Jordan boys use and sounds very much like a lot of Hindi we hear on the street. So, when asking directions to the Spice PVR movie theater Michelle said to a man walking by "Googalaga Spice PVR?" to which he pointed out the direction to go. Elated with our success, but feeling that the results might be tainted by the close proximity to actual Hindi, we decided to change it up a little bit. We chose the word "chimichanga". Upon leaving the parking lot and passing the man that we had to pay, Michael leaned out the window and asked, "Googalaga chimichanga?" to which the parking attendant said, "Yes" and waved us through. We thought we had hit a snag at the toll booth where the attendant first looked at us a bit warily but he then smiled and let us through, much to our relief. Feeling a bit puffed up with ourselves, we told the guard of our gated community, "Googalaga chimichanga espinaca". For having a few politicians on our street, the security is suprisingly not very secure. Later than night as we sat around analyzing our findings, we added Willy Wonka at the end and have instituted a contest to see who can get the craziest thing by using our new phrase. Oh, it's on!

On our way home from the movie, we saw a man on a motorcycle get hit by a bus. He got up and was dusting himself off in a very dazed fashion when the bus backed up a few feet and then drove around him. The guy got back on his bike and took off. I swear, if you showed up thirty seconds after it had happened you would never have known that there had just been an accident. Crazy.

This weekend we had a big reminder of how nice it is to be in a big congregation where there are multiple people who can handle spur of the moment assignments. On Saturday, Nathan taught Institute as I was finishing up preparations for Enrichment Night. We had six people show up so I probably prepared too much, but oh well. Then Sunday we spoke on marriage in Sacrament Meeting. It went really well and we were pleased to be done with our church assignments for the day. We spoke too soon though as our Branch Presidency forgot that it was the fifth Sunday and that they were in charge. On top of that, there was a huge issue that came up that required their attention, so as we walked into the room Nathan was handed the Gospel Principles manual and asked to teach an hour long lesson on the organization of Christ's church. Despite the initial "Holy Crap!" moment, he did a great job. The issue was, though, that he had also been asked to speak at the baptism afterwards. He asked me if I could handle that as it was starting to feel like the Nathan Jones Show and of course I obliged. So I played the piano and then, like any returned missionary who has used the old discussions, I mentally pulled out the second and flipped to 2 Nephi and taught about why Christ needed to be baptised and how if He needed to, how much more we need to. Just like the good ole' days. So the consensus that Nathan and I have come to is that our vacation is just in the nick of time as who knows what we might end up doing next week if we were here!

Oh, and our Sunday School teacher said sh*t in her lesson.

How is shopping in India like Georg and Yortuk Festrunk, the two Czech brothers, from classic Saturday Night Live sketches?

Is it because you are constantly surrounded by swinging American foxes? Is it because everyone is wearing such tight jeans? Or perhaps because people throw in random phrases where they don't belong because they don't grasp the English language (Don't mention it!)? No, it is because it is WILD AND CRAZY!!!

The personification of grocery shopping in India

Last night we were at the store picking up some loose ends - bread and milk kind of thing- when I about lost it. I think Nathan was kind of hoping I would but - in the words of Kit Ramsey - I kept it together.

I guess Steve Martin is the thread that holds this story together.

We got everything that we needed and went to get in line. Now, the registers are lined up near the exit door. I think there are ten with five of them facing the other five and about a five foot aisle in the middle. We, of course, went and lined up where you would assume you were supposed to and waited for a register to come open. The people behind us didn't see things the way that we did and (literally) shoved us aside to stand at one of the registers. Now, this may seem like the smart thing to do, but when everyone comes to the store with four generations of their family, you can imagine the chaos this causes when people are trying to get through this mass to leave the store. It is insane. So we are trying to figure the system out when Nathan gets shoved by an employee. Everyone does that - even the children, and you can imagine how much Captain McLaughlin's daughter likes that. No '"Excuse me", no "I'm sorry", just shove. The back of my hand was just begging me to let it smack someone!

So we finally get behind this one guy who has made the fatal error of picking up a jar full of mini candy bars. Rather than price checking the jar, Einstein the checkout boy and his buddy Galileo decided that the best course of action was to empty the jar out on the counter and count how many bars there were. It was a good thing it wasn't one of those mondo bags of Tootsie Roll Midgees that my mom always buys or there would have been an international incident. Nathan just looks at me and says "I think we have your blog topic for tomorrow".

This was not even the last thing. We FINALLY get to the counter and are trying to get our stuff through as quickly as possible when the checker gets to our produce. Now I am aware that multiple people might touch the produce I buy before I do, but I have never had a checker pull my apple out of the bag and manhandle it looking for the sticker. I'm not quite sure why, but that really bothered me. Arrrrrgh! I hate to say it, but I think Nathan and I are both really looking forward to this break. One week and counting!

Some walk by night, Some fly by day...

So it happened. I swore I never would. I fought it and fought it but the peer pressure was far too great and I caved. The other night I saw my first Die Hard movie. Now I officially feel like part of the club. I have to say that I actually really enjoyed it. There was a lot of humor, ridiculous amounts of gun play, completely improbably stunts involving helicopters, hovering fighter jets, and a very well timed crash into a fire hydrant, and that funny kid from Ed. Even the presence of Bruce Willis was not enough to deter me. Is it weird that I can't decide if he is ultra-masculine or ultra-feminine? He is a scientific anomaly to me. Despite his presence in the movie I really liked it - or maybe it's because he is so beaten up by the end of it that I like it. Hmmmm.... am I slightly masochistic? I think so. I would have LOVED to hear Megan and Shane discuss this one. I didn't realize until I looked it up on Moviefone that it has a different name in the States. Personally, I feel that Die Hard 4.0 sounds better but I get what they were trying to do with the whole Live Free or Die Hard thing.


Of course, we went to the movie with the Jordans who we spent the morning with at the pool. It was there that they informed us that they also do American breakfasts which means that Nathan was a happy camper with his Jimmie Dean sausage and I destroyed the bacon they brought to me. What a great way to spend a Saturday morning. That evening we went to dinner before the movie where we had a great time. It was so funny because every once in awhile one of the four of us would say to the other couple, "I'm so glad you're here!" and we would all agree together. I think we just have a lot of fun together and it really gives us something to look forward to knowing we have a standing appointment with them every weekend. I'm so glad they're here!

Ah hah! So that's how they do it!

I have been scratching my head ever since we got here trying to figure out why people come to India for spiritual enlightenment. Not that there aren't tons of places to go to find spiritual direction, but I haven't been able to figure out what separates this place from so many others that also have religious monuments and history. I think I figured it out last night.

Nathan has been coming down with pink eye so he called Michelle to ask her what she used when she had it here. She gave him the list of active ingredients and he took that to one of the MANY chemists around here. He explained what the issue was and they brought out several products for him to look at but none of them had the ingredients that he was looking for. He told them what he wanted and the shopkeeper went back into the dark recesses of his store and came back with exactly what Nathan asked for. Money was exchanged and drops were used. It was when I was looking at the bottle that I realized the source of India's spirituality. It says:

"SCHEDULE H DRUG WARNING: To be sold by retail on the prescription of a Registered Medical Practitioner only"

Nathan never saw a Registered Medical Practitioner. So I am wondering what else we can buy without a prescription here that would help us achieve enlightenment.

Oh, and you should have seen Nathan haggle with the man who sold me a laundry hamper the other night. This man originally quoted me the price 1650 rupees ($40), but Nathan got him down to 720 rupees after the man told us that he bought the hamper at cost for 900 rupees. I believe I actually heard my husband yell at the man "Just because I'm white doesn't mean I'm stupid!". A little crowd even gathered around us who seemed fascinated that this foreigner didn't just cough up the ridiculous amount of money that he was quoted. It was pretty cool, I must say. Nathan triumphantly carried the hamper back on his shoulder like a trophy. Way to go, babe!

Why it's always good to google potential names...

UTI Bank.

Where they will let you take a very small amount of money out every few minutes

but it's gonna sting like the dickens.

One of these things is not like the others...

I really hope that the Jordans don't tire of us too quickly because we practically invited ourselves to the pool with them on Saturday. Friday night Nathan got home from work and begged me to call Michelle to see if they were going the next day. I told him that if I did, I would tell her that Nathan was too embarrassed to call to which he grabbed the phone and called her himself. The appointment was quickly set and after institute we headed over to the embassy to enjoy an afternoon of swimming and sandwiches. I had a really good meatball sub while Nathan entertained the troops by polishing off a chicken wrap (it was more of an appetizer, according to him) and then a Philly steak sandwich. It was fantastic. I have started to notice that my freckles are coming out again. That usually means I am having a good time. The Jordan boys were thrilled to see Nathan at church yesterday as they thought he was just their pool friend (I am under no illusion that I am the big draw in the Jones family). We very quickly had two boys on our laps for the rest of the meeting. They are a hoot.

Saturday night, we ended up at a dinner where we felt completely out of place. The Ricks, the government relations missionaries, invited us to a dinner at Vikram Dutte's home. We met him at a dinner before that I wrote about. He is Hindu, but a huge champion of our church and regularly works with the LDS Charities here as he in on the board of four or five charities himself. Anyways, he had us, the Ricks, the Dunns (the country directors for LDS Charities) and the Katakas who are the Indian representatives of LDS Charities. Also invited were the former governor of Assam, Dr. Singh, along with a couple (I can't remember their names off the top of my head) where he was a syndicated travel columnist for the Tribune before starting his own weekend publication and she is directing the renewal development around the Taj Mahal. Fascinating people. As it turns out, Vikram and Dr. Singh headed up an independent observers group to monitor the first democratic elections in Yugoslavia. While Vikram didn't have anything really good to say about Milosevic or his opponent, he was quite disgusted with the American press and the distortion that he said they made of the facts. I teased him by saying the the US press never gets anything wrong, to which he had a good chuckle. Then his reporter friend told us about his favorite places that he had visited. He also told us about how much things have changed in Shanghai. The first time he went was in the early 80's when there was one five-star hotel in the whole city. While there, he was solicited to engage in some (what we would consider) illegal acts by the hotel. He came home and wrote his article, but before it was even published he had the Chinese Ambassador at his front door demanding that he retract it. It seems that the Chinese had people on the payroll at the Tribune to know when disparaging things were going to be written about them. So he refused to pull the article and was told he would never get a visa to China again, and he never has. His wife has offered to show us around the Taj Mahal under a full moon which she says is an other-worldly experience. At one point Nathan and I were sitting next to each other asking how we got invited to dine with a group like this. Needless to say, we really didn't feel like we brought much to the table but we had a wonderful time. Everyone was very kind to us and seemed very interested about WIU so Nathan promised to show any of them who would like around the university. It was a great evening even if we were completely out of our league!

Félicitations!

A HUGE congratulations to Elder Jacob Jones who will be reporting to the MTC on September 11 to begin his mission to...

MISSION CANADIENNE DE MONTRÉAL

We are absolutely thrilled for you!

Laissez les bons temps rouler!

(I know it's not France, but maybe you should learn to beatbox too.)

Casey Kasem would have a field day with this one!

I have composed a new song about living in India. For those of you familiar with the Primary program of our church, this might be a bit recognizable.

I'll Walk With You

If you don't look like most people do

I will stop and stare at you.

Yes, I will!

I will!

If you don't talk like most people do

I'll speak Hindi or Urdu.

Yes, I will!

I will!

I'll walk with you,

I'll gawk at you.

You'll be on display like the zoo...

I have to admit that I am not happy with my last line so I would appreciate any help you might offer. Also, I have to work on the bridge but you get the basic idea. I'm thinking about laying down some tracks - maybe a little drum and bass action. I got it - UK Christmas Single!!! Top of the Pops, here I come!

Everybody's working for the weekend

You know how you have weekends that are nice and lazy and nothing much happens. Those are great and all, but you know how much better the ones are where you are out having fun the whole time? Yeah, the Jones clan had one of those this weekend. We got up early on Saturday morning and taught institute class. Now this might not sound great but it really is. We have a fabulous little class of regulars who come and participate whether they understand what is going on or not. Last week we also taught the English class where one of our students asked something that stumped me - why do we say "I am on the bus, on a plane, on a train" but "I am in the car"? Anyone who can give me an answer would be most appreciated! Anyways, this week Nathan taught about being financially responsible. Our answer of moving to a country with a significantly lower cost of living was not really the answer they were looking for so Nathan had to go another direction. It is interesting though as we were supposed to talk about insurance and when we asked if anyone there had any, the answer was that it is too expensive in India. So we are learning that we have to adjust just about everything in this class.

So we went home and about ten minutes later I got a text message from Michelle Jordan. She is in our branch and is quickly becoming a good friend. She said that her family was going to ACSA to go swimming and that we were invited to go along. Suddenly that nap that Nathan and I were planning on didn't seem so attractive and we grabbed our suits and headed over to the embassy. We had the most wonderful morning. The food was good, the pool was great, the company was the best. The Jordans have two little boys, Chase and Bryce, and Nathan and Michelle's husband, Michael, took turns seeing how high they could throw the boys into the air (Perhaps this is why we don't have children yet...). They were loving it! We were there for about three hours and then went home to get cleaned up for the party that evening.

While having lunch, the ACSA director came over and talked to us about the Independence Day party that they were hosting that evening. He had gone to California last year and saw how we do our Fourth of July parties and wanted to get as close as he could here. He promised "It will be 80% of California". We weren't sure if that was a specific place in California or the state as a whole but either way we were excited. So the Jordans sent their driver over to pick us up and take us to their house were we sat around and chatted for awhile before heading over to ACSA. They have a great place and their maid had just finished making chocolate chip cookies so we were very content. I don't even know if they were as good as I thought they were - it was just the fact that I could have one that made me so happy! When the boys were ready we headed over to ACSA where Cheri met us. It was really pretty sweet. There were booths with carnival games set up, vendors, and food. We got hamburgers (not lambburgers), beef brisket, potato salad, root beer, and Baskin Robbins. SO GOOOOOD! It was kind of interesting to look around the field (yep, it has a baseball field - what could be more American, right?) and realize that this was pretty much the entire American community in Delhi. There weren't many of us, that's for sure! We did meet this great new family that just moved into the other branch. He is in the Air Force but is on a two year program where he is studying language and culture at one of the local universities here. I think the best part was no uniform the entire time - he seemed pretty excited about that. Speaking of uniforms, the place really had the feel of a church carnival except for the massive tent in the middle where the Marine guards were selling shirts. Man, those were some mean looking dudes. Good thing they're on my side!

The fireworks were... less than 80%. For example, no patriotic music. In fact, they started off with Bryan Adams "Summer of '69". Now I am all about his first real six string, but to kick off the celebration of our nation's independence with a Canadian? C'mon guys! That and the fact the there was one firework every 20 seconds or so made it so you never quite knew if the show was over or not. We also had an INCREDIBLY annoying MC. Let's just say she started of by screaming, "FREEDOM IS AWESOME" like someone passing the beer bong around a Motley Crue concert. No one was going to say anything though since she is the embassy nurse and has seen about 75% of the US population in Delhi naked. After the fireworks the boys' fun meter was pegged so we went back to the Jordans' where we sat up talking until the wee small hours of the morning. As Nathan said the next morning, it was just like therapy.

The next day was Sunday so we headed off to church. We decided to take an auto rickshaw instead of our usual driver as it is cheaper. There are some definite benefits to taking the car. For example, I never have felt that I was going to have to get out and push like I did with the auto. We got there eventually, though, and church was great as always. After church we went back over to the Jordans' where we swapped DVDs watched a few episodes of Arrested Development and devoured a whole pan of rice crispy treats. Michael just got back from ten days in the States where he basically cleaned out the baking section of a Wal-Mart. He said going there was actually a bit overwhelming after shopping here for awhile. It will be interesting to see how we react when we go home. Anyway, long story short, we were up really late again chatting but having a great time. The Jordans are good people and we're glad we have them around.

You know, it doesn't sound like we did much, but that was the best weekend we have had since being here. Nathan was a whole new man and I think it made him realize that he does need to take time off on occasion if only to decompress a bit. Listening to him and Michael talk about some of the things they deal with at work, I realized that everything is a struggle there. There are language barriers, corporate culture issues, and personality conflicts that are so massive I think I would explode. But I'm not going to think about that today. In the words of Scarlett O'Hara, I'll think about that tomorrow. I'm still enjoying my weekend.

My baby's famous!

Now US accredited management degree for Indian students
Tribune News Service

Ludhiana, May 31
Students in Punjab can now earn an American Management Degree without leaving the Indian shores.

Western International University (WIU), an accredited American University based in Phoenix, Arizona, USA, now offers management education at its campus in New Delhi.

After completing their degrees in India, students will have the same academic and professional standing as students who complete their degrees from WIU in USA both in terms of progression to higher qualifications and job opportunities in the US.

According to the international enrolment manager of the university, Nathan Jones, their aim has been to bring quality American Management Education to students in India. WIU offers students, especially those from non-metro cities, the advantage of staying in India and earning an American Management Degree.

(In true Indian style, Nathan was never interviewed for this article though he is referenced!)

Vlog the Impaler

Only in America...

Could a man make millions wearing a jacket like this...

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

Why can't a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?

I think all doubt has flown out the window. Mukhtar, our driver, has a man-crush on my husband and, frankly, I don't know if I can compete. I don't know if it is the horrible dejected look on his face whenever he sees me coming without Nathan, if it is the fact that he has declared the UK (a country he has never been to and knows nothing about but will visit once God tells him it is alright) as his favorite country in the world, or if it the fact that he has written Nathan's name in big block capitals ON HIS CAR'S VISOR but I am just getting that vibe from him. Today, Nathan woke up with horrible mosquito bites all over his arms, legs, and face (not a one on me...) that were already flaring up so he stayed home from church. On the way home, Mukhtar took the opportunity to sing Nathan's praises to me. Apparently, he is very tall, handsome, cute, and all the office boys think that he is very active. He said something else that I couldn't quite catch - it was either that he is sensitive or sexy. Either way, whoa. That wasn't even the only weird thing! His whole family is now coming to church with us. I can't tell if it is because the really want to or if they feel it's a good way to get in good with us. Regardless, they are welcome to come. However, when his daughter got up and bore her testimony about Mr. Nathan Jones today, it got a bit creepy. She even announced our address. I'm wondering why Mukhtar is sharing this info, but I guess if he has dreams of Nathan becoming their second daddy, they'll need to know where he lives. I don't know if it will come to it, but I am prepared to girl fight him if he makes a move. I figure I must outweigh him by a good 50 pounds so the laws of physics are on my side and I will hand him his butt on a poppadom with a side of mint sauce...

It seems that we have a whole family of lizards now. We have little babies running around on our bedroom ceiling all the time. It shows how my standards have changed in that I really like seeing them around! They are actually pretty cute and I figure they must be eating the bugs so they are more than welcome. The other morning I woke up early and just watched them run around for a bit. Once the light comes on they freeze and watch you very closely, but when it's still dark they are quite the little runners!

I took this shot last night. It was hard to get a good one as they are so small. Any suggestions on names would be highly appreciated.

I have been thinking a lot about France since we bought our tickets the other night. I have decided that I really want to get into the spirit of it all so I am attempting to learn to beatbox. (Go white girl, go white girl, go...) Now, you may ask why, but once you watch this I think you will understand.

So far, all I can do is spit on myself a lot - but I'll have it by August!

Laissez les bons temps rouler!