How is shopping in India like Georg and Yortuk Festrunk, the two Czech brothers, from classic Saturday Night Live sketches?

Is it because you are constantly surrounded by swinging American foxes? Is it because everyone is wearing such tight jeans? Or perhaps because people throw in random phrases where they don't belong because they don't grasp the English language (Don't mention it!)? No, it is because it is WILD AND CRAZY!!!

The personification of grocery shopping in India

Last night we were at the store picking up some loose ends - bread and milk kind of thing- when I about lost it. I think Nathan was kind of hoping I would but - in the words of Kit Ramsey - I kept it together.

I guess Steve Martin is the thread that holds this story together.

We got everything that we needed and went to get in line. Now, the registers are lined up near the exit door. I think there are ten with five of them facing the other five and about a five foot aisle in the middle. We, of course, went and lined up where you would assume you were supposed to and waited for a register to come open. The people behind us didn't see things the way that we did and (literally) shoved us aside to stand at one of the registers. Now, this may seem like the smart thing to do, but when everyone comes to the store with four generations of their family, you can imagine the chaos this causes when people are trying to get through this mass to leave the store. It is insane. So we are trying to figure the system out when Nathan gets shoved by an employee. Everyone does that - even the children, and you can imagine how much Captain McLaughlin's daughter likes that. No '"Excuse me", no "I'm sorry", just shove. The back of my hand was just begging me to let it smack someone!

So we finally get behind this one guy who has made the fatal error of picking up a jar full of mini candy bars. Rather than price checking the jar, Einstein the checkout boy and his buddy Galileo decided that the best course of action was to empty the jar out on the counter and count how many bars there were. It was a good thing it wasn't one of those mondo bags of Tootsie Roll Midgees that my mom always buys or there would have been an international incident. Nathan just looks at me and says "I think we have your blog topic for tomorrow".

This was not even the last thing. We FINALLY get to the counter and are trying to get our stuff through as quickly as possible when the checker gets to our produce. Now I am aware that multiple people might touch the produce I buy before I do, but I have never had a checker pull my apple out of the bag and manhandle it looking for the sticker. I'm not quite sure why, but that really bothered me. Arrrrrgh! I hate to say it, but I think Nathan and I are both really looking forward to this break. One week and counting!